Hey friends and fam,
Hope you are doing well, and finding ways to soak up the warm weather energy.
This season I've been on my planner game. To be honest, I applied for a tenure-track teaching position and was selected as one of the finalists, but was ultimately not selected for the position. In my mind (I later realized) I believed this position was going to provide an answer to one question I had about next steps in my trajectory as an artist. When I got the rejection email, it felt as though those questions remained unanswered and I wasn't quite sure what was next. It was a bummer. I was standing with an empty cart in Target, really feeling like this was supposed to be a different moment.
Throughout my life as an artist (and a human), I've come to learn rejection means you are putting yourself out there in bold ways, for things that may or may not pan out. Telling someone you have a crush on them when you don't know if they like you back- bold move. Applying to RISD when I had never studied art before- bold move. Applying to residencies and grants where I share my unconventional approach as an artist- bold move. Performing music on stage no matter how packed the room is- bold move. A number of things I have applied for, I have been selected for, and many things I have applied for, I have not been selected for. Rejections are simply part of the journey of living boldly, vulnerably standing in your truth in that moment for all to see, and being open to possibilities you could never have imagined.
All this to say, the rejection next to the paper goods isle in Target was a bummer. But, it also indicated to me what I was really hoping for with this position: I was hoping for guidance as to how to go about making a full-time living as an artist, and a tenure-track position was one type of guidance.
In truth, the question behind my bummed emotion was:
How can I be a full-time artist grounded in creative expression as a means towards personal and social liberation?
This is what my work has been about throughout my life: being in community with creative problem solvers who manifest things that don't yet exist, imagine new ways of communicating and connecting, developing strategies to command a room through performance and songwriting when my voice has been overshadowed, dismissed, or quieted in other contexts, creating songs and visuals that reflect the deep need for joy as a caregiver and a human being that feels, or capturing the fluttering sensation we get when we see someone we love through water marks on a piece of paper..
Getting clear on the question I was really asking myself inspired me to pursue other ways I might go about answering it..
[Will share part two of this story in my next newsletter and the one tool that's been really doing it for me this season. Also didn't mean for this to be such a cliff hanger! haha but excited to share in the next one!]
With love,
Vessna
